Friday, November 16, 2018

The Call To Real Christianity--Dangerously Good Kindness

The world doesn't need more nice people.

The world doesn't need more friendly people.

The world needs more kind people.

Niceness, while certainly good, often wilts in the face of meanness.

Friendliness, though essential for societies to function, often recoils in the face of nastiness.

Kindness stands up against unkindness with a power that stops nastiness and meanness in its tracks.

Kindness always goes on the offensive, striking blow after blow against unkindness.

Kindness is no wimp, but a transforming power that brings goodness and light.

When the kindness of God our Savior appeared, God saved us...(Titus 3:4-5).  God's kindness was proactive.  It reached out with lavish, unconditional grace and grabbed us out of death into life.

Do you not know that it is God's kindness that leads you to repentance?...(Romans 2:4).  God's radical kindness, seen in the death and resurrection of Jesus, breaks through our sin and lostness and leads us into God's grace.

God's kindness is always proactive, always on the offensive, driven by love, in order to push back the nastiness of life to set you free for real life.

Kindness dares to love your enemy.

Kindness dares to treat that nasty person as you yourself want to be treated.

Kindness goes on the offensive in the face of unkindness, not by simply smiling, nodding, and moving on, but by offering a radically kind alternative in its place.

Paul says it this way:

Your love must be real. Hate what is evil, and hold on to what is good. Love each other like brothers and sisters. Give each other more honor than you want for yourselves…Wish good for those who harm you; wish them well and do not curse them… Live in peace with each other. Do not be proud, but make friends with those who seem unimportant. Do not think how smart you are. If someone does wrong to you, do not pay him back by doing wrong to him. Try to do what everyone thinks is right. Do your best to live in peace with everyone… Do not let evil defeat you, but defeat evil by doing good(Romans 12:9-21)

Imagine if every follower of Jesus practiced that form of dangerously good, real Christianity!

In the words of Dr. Who #12: Just be Kind!

Friday, November 9, 2018

The Call To Real Christianity--Dangerously Good Generosity

Without giving...life would not exist.

Giving is the foundation of human existence.

The Creator gives life to creation.

A man and a woman give themselves to each other in a deeply intimate act that brings forth life.

Moms give birth to babies.

Ideas give birth to realities.

Justice gives birth to freedom.

Without giving...there would be no:

Forgiving

Thanksgiving

Christmas 

Easter

Christianity

Faith

For all of the above are wrapped up in God so loving the world that God gave Jesus.  And Jesus gave his life for us.

Without giving...

The hungry would never be fed.

Those held captive would never be freed.

Those living in underserved or war-torn countries would never be healed.

_______________

Without giving life would not exist.

Giving is the essence of what it means to be human.  

And it is certainly the hallmark of one who follows Jesus.  

_______________

Ironically,  talk of giving often upsets and even angers Christians.  I say ironically because Christians should be the most cheerfully generous people of all because they know first hand the lavish generosity of God's grace.

And yet, for a variety of reasons the topic of giving touches a nerve in many Christians.

Here's a counter-intuitive thought:  Might that anger be another of God's gifts?  Might it be that that anger is God's way of saying that our resistance to generosity is getting in the way of a full, rich life? That we're robbing ourselves of cheerfulness?  

Might it be possible that the God who always gives is generously rescuing us from the false trappings of me-ism and consumerism, setting us free for the life-giving, cheerfulness-producing, power of generosity?

I've said it many times before.  I've never, ever met a crabby giver.  There is no downside to generosity.

_______________

1.3%-2.3%: Average Lutheran Giving Percentage

18.1%: Average Tip by Americans

_______________

For Jesus, giving is never about demand, or guilt, or coercion.  It's always about response to God's lavish, generous grace.

Hence my question in my last blog post:  How would your check book answer the question: Do I really believe God loves me?

Real Christianity is rooted in giving.  Real Christianity is built on generosity.  On God's giving.  On God's generosity.

The Spirit of Generosity, Jesus, lives in us.

That means that you have been filled with lavish generosity.

Jesus invites you to be who you are.  To let that generosity have its way in you.  To be a dangerously good person who, in response to God's lavish grace, is turning the world upside down with outlandish giving.

Let me paraphrase an old quote I used on gratitude in a recent sermon:

_______________

If you've forgotten the language of generosity
You will never be on speaking terms with cheerfulness

_______________

That's what Real Christianity looks like.










Thursday, November 1, 2018

The Call To Real Christianity--Part 2

I have a question for you.

It's a big question.

For many of you it will also be a highly personal question.

So pull up closer to the screen so that no one else will hear your answer.

Here goes:

Do you believe that God loves you?

Do you really believe that God loves you?

Do you really believe that God loves you?

Do you really believe that God loves you?

Do you really believe that God loves you?

Do you really believe that God loves you?

OK...that was more than one question.  Or technically, it was one question asked in several ways.

I'm going to assume the answer is yes.  You really believe that God loves you!

Here's the next question:  Based on what?

How do you know that God really loves you?  There are lots of folks who don't believe that.  Who don't believe that God is loving.

There are many people who once believed it, but no longer do because life proved to them that God doesn't love them.

How do you know that God really loves you?

Lisa Gungor tells a moving, compelling story of how she no longer believes in God after years of a working in a mega-church and singing to huge crowds of Christians.  She freely admits that she believed in a transactional God, a God who would act in her best interests if she lived the right kind of life, did the right kinds of things, and believed the right things.  When she did all of that and God did not seemingly bless her, her faith in God began to erode.  On top of that, she grew up in a religious system that didn't allow doubt.  Put those two things together and she says she's lost her faith.

It's a heart-breaking story.  And it happens too often in the church.  When we worship an if-then God, a God who will only love us if we prove lovable and worthy, we're set up for disappointment.  If we worship a God who allows no doubt, we can't be human.

Do you...really...believe...that...God...loves...you?  How do you know?

There is only one place where that kind of hope can be rooted:  In the promise of the cross.

For God so loved you that he gave his only son...

No matter what life throws your way...no matter what doubts you have...that God, that promise, will always cling to you!  It will always hold you regardless of the ups and downs you experience.

God expresses his love for you in this...Christ died for you!

Faith is not first and foremost a feeling...or a belief...or an action.  Faith is a gracious God-given gift that holds us, breathing life, hope, peace, and forgiveness into us whether we feel it or not.  Faith is rooted in a God who gives.

Do you really believe that God loves you? 

Now...one last question that will probably make some of you yell at me, delete this blog link, or throw up your hands in exasperation.  But I have to ask.

Do you really believe that God loves you?  

How would your check book answer that question?

If you're still with me...we'll dig deeper into that next time!






Saturday, October 27, 2018

The Call To Real Christianity

This fall we have been diving into what it looks like to follow Jesus.  The title of the series:  Would the Real Christians Please Stand Up! A Reckless Guide to Dangerously Good Faith.  It's a daunting topic because it seems to suggest that there is one way to be a real Christian...and that I know exactly what that is.  (It's a good thing I'm your pastor!)

However, that's not the point at all.  Part of the point is to say that all too often we Christians behave badly.  We don't always reflect the grace of Jesus in the way that we speak, act, or treat others.  In fact, many times Christians act the exact opposite of how Jesus would act, turning people off to any consideration of Jesus and the reckless love he offers.

In one of my sermons I told the story of my kids and the challenges they faced growing up as PK's (preacher's kids).  Sometimes they would hear their friends' parents ripping on me or on the church I served.  And it not only hurt them deeply, it called into question the whole Christian experience.

I kept telling them that Christians are imperfect people and that they should look at Jesus and make their decisions based on him, not on the actions of some mean-spirited Christians.  Their response:  It's not that easy because Christians keep getting in the way.

I've heard this many times: If it weren't for Christians I might give Jesus a look.

Ouch!

We need to hear that as Christians.  We need to be mindful that how we live and interact with others is a reflection, at least to others, of who Jesus is, or of how seriously we take Jesus, or of how transformational grace is.  (Not to mention the impact we have on our kids and grandkids!)

But that's a lot of pressure.  That makes grace our responsibility.  And that can lead us into a behavior-oriented Christianity that leads to perfectionism, legalism, and a loss of true freedom.

So what is a Real Christian?  We'll spend a few more weekends in worship looking at that question and will continue to wrestle with it in these blog posts for a time...because it is one of the most important questions of our day as Christianity seemingly declines and those rejecting the church grows.

But let's start here...and build here:

A real Christian is a sinner who has been claimed by Jesus; an imperfect person in whom Jesus chooses to live by his grace; a lost son or daughter to whom Jesus has run, throwing the robe of unconditional love over his/her shoulders, putting the ring of sonship or daughterhood onto his/her finger, and putting the shoes of forgiveness onto his/her feet.

A real Christian is the object of God's favor, kindness, and mercy.

You are a real Christian.  You have been claimed by Jesus.  You belong to him through his death and resurrection.

So live like you're loved.  Live like you're graced.  Because you are!  That's the starting point for living a life of dangerously good faith.

More to come.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

New Podcast: The Wonder of Parenting

Around 2 am on June 18, 1980, my wife, Jan, woke me up to tell me it was time.  Our firstborn was on the way!  I immediately jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to get ready to head to the hospital.  But in the bathroom, I stopped, looked myself in the mirror, and in a panic said, “I’m not ready for this!” 

At that moment, like every first-time parent, I had no idea how to be a parent.  Though my parents and grandparents were fantastic role models and caregivers, watching someone parent and parenting are two very different things. 



Wouldn’t We Love Having An “Owner’s Manual” to Parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great if our kids came to us with an owner’s manual?  A built-in how-to manual giving us step-by-step instructions on how to raise them?  And to make it even better, how about adding in a parenting guru or two to offer advice along the way?

My own daughter is now 38 years old.  My son is 35.  And Jan and I now have five grandchildren.  I’ve learned a lot about parenting (and grandparenting) over the last 38 years—much of it through trial and error, gut instinct, learning from others, and from my kids themselves.  I’ve had to create my own “owner’s manual” from my own life.

But about 12 years ago, I discovered that our kids do come with an owner’s manual, if we know how to look.  While this manual doesn’t provide step by step instructions, it does give foundational insights into our boys and girls that can offer us significant guidance and direction. 
That owner’s manual is the brain.

About 12 years ago I was introduced to the work of Dr. Michael Gurian.  In my work as a pastor I was just beginning to come to terms with the challenges that boys are facing in life, school, the church, and culture.  I was so moved by Michael’s work and insights that I sent him an email assuming that this famous New York Times Best-Selling Author wouldn’t have the time to respond back.  But he did!  The very next day!

And his response began what is now a 12-year friendship and partnership in working with people like you on the issues of our boys and girls, using the brain as our starting point. 

Out of that friendship we’ve created both secular and faith-based Rites of Passage programs for girls and boys, 12 – 14 years old (www.timwrightministries.org) and we are honored to provide amazing Helping Boys Thrive Summits together (www.helpingboysthrive.org). 

Now, fully engaging with new technologies, we are also launching a new podcast called The Wonder of Parenting.  Each weekly 25 to 30 minute episode will focus on the daily issues you as parents face and we will always use brain science research, best practices, and our own experiences as parents to help you connect with the wonder of parenting.

My role is to serve as the host.  On your behalf I get to pick Michael’s brain on all things parenting.  Michael is a treasure trove of insight, experience, heart, soul, and love for what he does.  To have access to him weekly, to hear his parenting stories, to take his insights into the brains of our sons and daughters and apply them to parenting makes for a one-of-a-kind, unique parenting resource. 

A Treasure Trove of Topics, Science, and Common Sense

In the 12 years I’ve known Michael I’ve heard him speak countless times.  He and I have spent hours and hours talking on the phone or in the car or at events.  And yet, in every podcast we have recorded, I learn something new. 

The topics are always current and practical, ranging from “how moms and dads parent differently” to “best screen time practices for different ages of kids” to “the importance of family meals” to “raising kids in a gender fluid world” to “when and how to talk about sex” and much more.  And each of these important topics is rooted in brain science, so the insights Michael offers stand the test of time.

Parenting should be a wonder-filled experience, even when it is tough going.  Our podcasts will be very positive experiences, and we promise to find the heights and depths of the journey with you.

The Wonder of Parenting is free but priceless! I hope you’ll subscribe and tell your friends to do the same.  Listen to us in the car, while you’re working out, or over a cup of coffee as you take a mental break.  I know you’ll walk away with a deeper sense of wonder and awe at the privilege of being a parent.


To learn more, to subscribe, or to post a question for a future podcast, check out our website:  www.wonderofparenting.com

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

What I Want My Grandsons to Know About Men

Phoenix (7), Judah (7), and Decker (4),  

You are a bit young to think about manhood but from the perspective of your 60-year-old grandpa, it’s just on the horizon of your life.  Our current culture has developed an allergy to masculinity, either claiming it’s toxic (some going so far as to blame meat eating on male toxicity, who knew?), or that you would be better served to learn to emote and talk more like girls. (Your brain isn’t wired to emote and talk the way a girl’s brain is wired.  But you are uniquely wired to emote and communicate in your own masculine way!) 

Here’s the truth about men:

Men are capable of great good:
  • Good men have laid down their lives for centuries in order to protect their families, their tribes, their countries, and their beliefs.  
  • Good men have put their lives at risk to build the infrastructures of society (92 percent of all work related deaths are male…).
  • Good men have created systems of government with the intent to provide freedom and equality for all.
  • Good men have always been and continue to be caring dads, husbands, employers, employees, and grandparents.

Men are also capable of great destruction:

Though writing about boys, these words from my friend Dr. Michael Gurian, speak directly to this downside of masculinity--…nearly every social problem we face in our civilization today—unemployment, income inequality, incarceration rates, religious extremism, domestic abuse, mental illness, health care inequalities, and painful violence against women—intersects in some way with the state of boyhood in America.  (Saving our Sons, p. vii.)

Yes…some men are destructive.  Some men damage the lives of others.  Some men seek to harass those of a different race or religion or political persuasion or gender.  Some men are bad men.

But many, if not most men, are good men.  As your grandpa my hope and prayer is that as you grow into manhood, you number yourselves among the good guys.  To give you some guidance, here’s a picture of what a good man looks like (with special thanks to Dr. Gurian for his great work on this framework for manhood from his book, The Purpose of Boys):

A good man is:
  • Honorable: He does the right thing, even when it’s the harder way.  He treats all people with respect.  
  • Enterprising: He doesn’t give up easily.  He fights for the good of others while at the same time maintaining a core belief in his worth as a good man.
  • Responsible: A good man lives to serve others.  As Martin Luther King Jr. put it: The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in the moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.  The true neighbor will risk his position, his prestige, and even his life for the welfare of others.
  • Original: A good man knows who he is.  He’s aware of his strengths and weaknesses.  He knows what his unique gifts and talents are.  And he uses them to help build a better world through his family, his work, his citizenship, and his faith.
Boys, that's the kind of men I want you to be: Heroic men who show the world that good men exist and that good men are essential for building strong families, communities, and a better society.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

What I Want My Granddaughters to Know About Men

Dear Clover (8) and Mathilda (2),

Over the last 50-60 years (mainly during my growing up years) women and men all around our country have been fighting for you!  They’ve been working hard to ensure that you grow up in a world where you are treated equally with men.  It may be that when you enter the workforce in 15 years or so that that may seem quaint—that equal pay for equal work and equal opportunities will be so deeply ingrained in our culture that your generation has no memory of anything else.

In a remarkably short period of time the storyline of girls and women has changed dramatically, mostly for the better—again thanks to many good women and men.  

For example:
·      In the early 1960’s girls were behind boys in school.  But by 1982 girls not only caught up, they soared past boys.  Girls now do far better than boys in virtually every area of education from pre-k through graduate school. 
·      Increasingly the pay gap is shrinking.  There’s still a lot of debate about this one.  Some say that women make 80 cents or so for every $1 a man makes.  This isn’t really the whole story.  When you get down deep into the numbers and all of the factors that go into who works where and why, the gap is much, much smaller.  There are certain job segments where the gap is huge and we still have work to do but again, a lot has changed in your favor over the last 50-60 years.
·      You are growing up in a world of unprecedented opportunities for women.  When I think back to the opportunities your great-grandmother had (again, this was in my lifetime!) to what is possible for you now…it’s breathtaking! 

I could go but I want to get to my main point.

This new world for women has not come without a price for men.  You are not only growing up in a world fighting for equality for women, you are also growing up in a world that has become increasingly disdainful of all things masculine.

Here are two recent book titles:

Is There Anything Good About Men?
Do Father’s Matter?

Can you imagine anyone having to write a book with a title like that about women?  Is there Anything Good About Women?  Do Mother’s Matter?

Unfortunately, some men contribute to the negative masculine stereotype.  And we’ve been seeing it rear its ugly head lately through a series of powerful men being called out for sexual harassment.  In fact, many believe we have reached a tipping point—one hopefully of high impact—that will bring to light this dark side of masculinity and protect our daughters, wives, sisters, and colleagues from it.

As your grandpa I’m sickened on the one hand, and heartened on the other hand, that this has become a public issue.  For your sake, I pray that God will protect you from sick men who simply don’t deserve the title, Man.

However, the actions of a sick and powerful small group of men has given some in our culture the chance to pile on.  Men, some in the media are saying, simply by being men, are complicit or guilty.  They are all monsters. 

For example:
Jennifer Berdahl, a professor in the business school at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver who studies the harassment of men, says harassment is also about gender and how society defines it. Males learn a sense of superiority over females from the time they are children, she says.  Being a man means being superior to a woman and dominating women sexually or otherwise; sexual harassment is taking that (thinking) to an extreme, Berdahl says...Men are socialized from the age of 3 to think of themselves as being a ‘real man,’ defined as dominating women.

That is simply not true.  It is vastly overstated and not only demeans men but the many good women who raise these boys into men.

As a man, and as your grandpa, here are some things I want you to know about men.  You will be surrounded by them all your lives so I want you to see men as their Creator sees them.

1)   Yes…some men are bad men.  They are sick.  They are contemptible.  They bring shame to the masculine side of the Image of God.  But they are not the majority of men or even close to it.

2)   Good, noble men do exist in the world, lots of them…and the world needs them.

3)   A good man is one who uses his gifts and talents to help build a better world.  And many men have done just that: Countless dads working hard to provide for their families and invest time in their children.  Men faithfully loving their wives.  Men protecting our country, often at great personal sacrifice.  Men building the infrastructures of our nation.  Men educating our children and youth.  Men creating works of art be it music or literature or dance or film.  Men doing their jobs with integrity and excellence.

4)   While, as my friend, Dr. Michael Gurian, says, almost all of the challenges and ills a society faces trace themselves back to troubled men, at the same time, many, many of the successes and strengths of our society are built on the backs of good men.

5)   The overwhelming majority of men not only want what’s best for women, they actively fight for it.  These women are their daughters, wives, sisters, moms, aunts, friends, and co-workers.  Men care deeply about these women in their lives.  They neither want nor condone masculine domination of women.

6)   Masculinity in and of itself is not toxic.  It is a good, God-created, sacred gift, just as is the feminine. 

7)   Men are wired to experience the world differently from women.  Our brains work differently.  Our thought processes works differently.  Our chemical make-up is different.  That doesn’t make us better than women.  It doesn’t make us inferior.  Women and men are equal but different, and those differences make the world a better place.

8)   Again, a real man is a man who uses his unique gifts and talents, and his uniqueness as the Image of God male, to serve those he loves and the world around him.  And again, those men are all around us.


Your Daddies are good men.  Your Grandpas are good men.  The men in your church are good men.  You will interact with far more good men than bad men throughout your lives.  May you discover the blessing that men can be as you grow into the women God created you to be.