New Podcast: The Wonder of Parenting

Around 2 am on June 18, 1980, my wife, Jan, woke me up to tell me it was time.  Our firstborn was on the way!  I immediately jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to get ready to head to the hospital.  But in the bathroom, I stopped, looked myself in the mirror, and in a panic said, “I’m not ready for this!” 

At that moment, like every first-time parent, I had no idea how to be a parent.  Though my parents and grandparents were fantastic role models and caregivers, watching someone parent and parenting are two very different things. 

Wouldn’t We Love Having An “Owner’s Manual” to Parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great if our kids came to us with an owner’s manual?  A built-in how-to manual giving us step-by-step instructions on how to raise them?  And to make it even better, how about adding in a parenting guru or two to offer advice along the way?

My own daughter is now 38 years old.  My son is 35.  And Jan and I now have five grandchildren.  I’ve learned a lot about parenting (and grandparenting) over the last 38 years—much of it through trial and error, gut instinct, learning from others, and from my kids themselves.  I’ve had to create my own “owner’s manual” from my own life.

But about 12 years ago, I discovered that our kids do come with an owner’s manual, if we know how to look.  While this manual doesn’t provide step by step instructions, it does give foundational insights into our boys and girls that can offer us significant guidance and direction. 

That owner’s manual is the brain.

About 12 years ago I was introduced to the work of Dr. Michael Gurian.  In my work as a pastor I was just beginning to come to terms with the challenges that boys are facing in life, school, the church, and culture.  I was so moved by Michael’s work and insights that I sent him an email assuming that this famous New York Times Best-Selling Author wouldn’t have the time to respond back.  But he did!  The very next day!

And his response began what is now a 12-year friendship and partnership in working with people like you on the issues of our boys and girls, using the brain as our starting point. 

Out of that friendship we’ve created both secular and faith-based Rites of Passage programs for girls and boys, 12 – 14 years old (www.timwrightministries.org) and we are honored to provide amazing Helping Boys Thrive Summits together (www.helpingboysthrive.org). 

Now, fully engaging with new technologies, we are also launching a new podcast called The Wonder of Parenting.  Each weekly 25 to 30 minute episode will focus on the daily issues you as parents face and we will always use brain science research, best practices, and our own experiences as parents to help you connect with the wonder of parenting.

My role is to serve as the host.  On your behalf I get to pick Michael’s brain on all things parenting.  Michael is a treasure trove of insight, experience, heart, soul, and love for what he does.  To have access to him weekly, to hear his parenting stories, to take his insights into the brains of our sons and daughters and apply them to parenting makes for a one-of-a-kind, unique parenting resource. 

A Treasure Trove of Topics, Science, and Common Sense

In the 12 years I’ve known Michael I’ve heard him speak countless times.  He and I have spent hours and hours talking on the phone or in the car or at events.  And yet, in every podcast we have recorded, I learn something new. 

The topics are always current and practical, ranging from “how moms and dads parent differently” to “best screen time practices for different ages of kids” to “the importance of family meals” to “raising kids in a gender fluid world” to “when and how to talk about sex” and much more.  And each of these important topics is rooted in brain science, so the insights Michael offers stand the test of time.

Parenting should be a wonder-filled experience, even when it is tough going.  Our podcasts will be very positive experiences, and we promise to find the heights and depths of the journey with you.

The Wonder of Parenting is free but priceless! I hope you’ll subscribe and tell your friends to do the same.  Listen to us in the car, while you’re working out, or over a cup of coffee as you take a mental break.  I know you’ll walk away with a deeper sense of wonder and awe at the privilege of being a parent.

To learn more, to subscribe, or to post a question for a future podcast, check out our website:  www.wonderofparenting.com

When a Son "Hates" His Mom

When our son was little, he and mom had a very close, happy relationship.  Mike was a sweet boy who had no problem giving mom hugs and asking her lots of questions.  He was her little boy. 

But then Mike moved into the early stages of puberty and the relationship changed…dramatically.  With tears in her eyes, Jan asked me one day why her son hated her.

What Jan didn’t know at the time was that Mike was at a crucial point in his life—the point where he had to start moving into manhood.  And the movement into manhood meant he had to begin to pull away from his mom.

Most moms I know aren’t prepared for that moment.  They don’t understand it.  So as their boys start moving into manhood moms often feel lost.

What’s a mom to do?

Mom, the good news is that you play a vital role in the kind of man your son will become, even in those years when he seems to pull away from you.  Here are some positive ways you can shape his life:

Pour your mother’s love into your son. Though there will be times when your son seems to resist your love, he will never stop needing or craving it.  How you demonstrate that love will change as your son ages, but keep reaching out to him, keep taking an interest in his life, keep praying for him, and keep hugging him (as much as he will allow).  Remember, when men mug in front of a video camera, 99% of the time they say, “Hi, mom!”  A boy never outgrows his need for mom’s love.

Teach him about women: You will be a primary teacher for your son on how to relate to girls.  Teach him to be the man you want him to be for you, for his future wife should he marry, for a potential future daughter, and for all of the women he will interact with during his life.  Give him insights into a woman’s world so that he can navigate his way through it with honor and goodness.  It takes a mom to instill in her son a deep understanding of women.

Immerse your son in masculine energy: As cultures throughout history have always known, it takes a tribe of men to raise a boy into a man. To become men boys need masculine energy poured into them.  They need positive male role models to follow. The key to building boys into good men is to surround them with great men—their own dad (if possible) and other men—who can model responsibility, love, compassion, fatherhood, and manhood to these men in the making.  Churches, Boy’s Clubs, Big Brother, Scouting programs, and other boy-focused organizations can partner with you in raising your son into manhood.  This is especially crucial for boys being raised by single moms.

Give your son an honorable vision for manhood: Moms, to the best of your ability, paint a picture of manhood for your son built on honor, courage, commitment, sacrifice, love, compassion, forgiveness, wisdom, and grace.  When you see your son acting honorably, affirm him.  When he acts less than nobly, use it as a teaching moment and call the noble out of him.  But remember, mom, a boy ultimately needs men to instill in him a vision for manhood.

Give your son purpose: Your son was created to save the world.  Testosterone is the fuel of super heroes (although at times it may seem like the fuel for driving mom insane!).  As you see his emerging gifts and talents, affirm them in him.  Once in a while look him in the eye and tell him you know that God has created him for something very special.

Let your boy become a man.  At some point, around puberty, your son will need to distance himself from you, as my wife experienced.  He needs to leave behind all of the feminine energy that has been shaping his life (you and the overwhelming majority of his teachers) and enter into the world of men.  This is going to be extremely hard on you.  You will wonder at times what happened to your gentle, loving little boy.  You will wonder at other times why your son hates you.  There will be lots of tears and doubt.  But this is an absolutely crucial time in the life of your son.  Let him go…but let him go into the hands of dad (if dad is around) and other good men.

Learn all you can about boys.  The more you know, the better equipped you will be to raise your son into good, honorable manhood.  (I recommend you look at Michael Thompson’s book, It’s a Boy! and the Michael Gurian trilogy of books: The Wonder of Boys; TheMind of Boys; and The Purpose of Boys.  My book on boys, Searching for Tom Sawyer, is geared to a Christian audience.)