Dear Clover (8) and Mathilda (2),
Over the last 50-60 years (mainly during my growing up
years) women and men all around our
country have been fighting for you!
They’ve been working hard to ensure that you grow up in a world where
you are treated equally with men.
It may be that when you enter the workforce in 15 years or so that that
may seem quaint—that equal pay for equal work and equal opportunities will be so
deeply ingrained in our culture that your generation has no memory of anything
else.
In a remarkably short period of time the storyline of girls
and women has changed dramatically, mostly for the better—again thanks to many
good women and men.
For example:
·
In the early 1960’s girls were behind boys in
school. But by 1982 girls not only
caught up, they soared past boys.
Girls now do far better than boys in virtually every area of education
from pre-k through graduate school.
·
Increasingly the pay gap is shrinking. There’s still a lot of debate about
this one. Some say that women make
80 cents or so for every $1 a man makes.
This isn’t really the whole story.
When you get down deep into the numbers and all of the factors that go
into who works where and why, the gap is much, much smaller. There are certain job segments where
the gap is huge and we still have work to do but again, a lot has changed in
your favor over the last 50-60 years.
·
You are growing up in a world of unprecedented
opportunities for women. When I
think back to the opportunities your great-grandmother had (again, this was in
my lifetime!) to what is possible for you now…it’s breathtaking!
I could go but I want to get to my main point.
This new world for women has not come without a price for
men. You are not only growing up in
a world fighting for equality for women, you are also growing up in a world
that has become increasingly disdainful of all things masculine.
Here are two recent book titles:
Is There Anything Good
About Men?
Do Father’s Matter?
Can you imagine anyone having to write a book with a title
like that about women? Is there Anything Good About Women? Do Mother’s Matter?
Unfortunately, some men contribute to the negative masculine
stereotype. And we’ve been seeing
it rear its ugly head lately through a series of powerful men being called out
for sexual harassment. In fact,
many believe we have reached a tipping point—one hopefully of high impact—that
will bring to light this dark side of masculinity and protect our daughters,
wives, sisters, and colleagues from it.
As your grandpa I’m sickened on the one hand, and heartened
on the other hand, that this has become a public issue. For your sake, I pray that God will
protect you from sick men who simply don’t deserve the title, Man.
However, the actions of a sick and powerful small group of
men has given some in our culture the chance to pile on. Men, some in the media are saying,
simply by being men, are complicit or guilty. They are all monsters.
For example:
Jennifer Berdahl, a professor in the
business school at the University of British Columbia
in Vancouver who studies the harassment of men, says harassment is also
about gender and how society defines it. Males learn a sense of superiority over
females from the time they are children, she says. Being
a man means being superior to a woman and dominating women sexually
or otherwise; sexual harassment is taking that (thinking) to an extreme,
Berdahl says...Men are socialized from the age of 3 to think of themselves
as being a ‘real man,’ defined as dominating women.
That is simply not true. It is vastly overstated and not only demeans men but the
many good women who raise these boys into men.
As a man, and as your grandpa, here are some things I want
you to know about men. You will be
surrounded by them all your lives so I want you to see men as their Creator
sees them.
1) Yes…some
men are bad men. They are
sick. They are contemptible. They bring shame to the masculine side
of the Image of God. But they are
not the majority of men or even close to it.
2) Good,
noble men do exist in the world, lots of them…and the world needs them.
3) A
good man is one who uses his gifts and talents to help build a better
world. And many men have done just
that: Countless dads working hard to provide for their families and invest time
in their children. Men faithfully
loving their wives. Men protecting
our country, often at great personal sacrifice. Men building the infrastructures of our nation. Men educating our children and
youth. Men creating works of art
be it music or literature or dance or film. Men doing their jobs with integrity and excellence.
4) While,
as my friend, Dr. Michael Gurian, says, almost all of the challenges and ills a
society faces trace themselves back to troubled men, at the same time, many,
many of the successes and strengths of our society are built on the backs of
good men.
5) The
overwhelming majority of men not only want what’s best for women, they actively
fight for it. These women are
their daughters, wives, sisters, moms, aunts, friends, and co-workers. Men care deeply about these women in
their lives. They neither want nor
condone masculine domination of women.
6) Masculinity
in and of itself is not toxic. It
is a good, God-created, sacred gift, just as is the feminine.
7) Men
are wired to experience the world differently from women. Our brains work differently. Our thought processes works
differently. Our chemical make-up
is different. That doesn’t make us
better than women. It doesn’t make
us inferior. Women and men are
equal but different, and those differences make the world a better place.
8) Again,
a real man is a man who uses his unique gifts and talents, and his uniqueness
as the Image of God male, to serve those he loves and the world around
him. And again, those men are all
around us.
Your Daddies are good men. Your Grandpas are good men. The men in your church are good men. You will interact with far more good
men than bad men throughout your lives.
May you discover the blessing that men can be as you grow into the women
God created you to be.
